Halloween is as soon as once more looming over us like a darkish shadow, bidding us to purchase tons of tooth-rotting sweet, costume up in bizarre outfits (horny Bob Ross, anybody?), and enhance our homes with skeletons, ghosts, and monsters. It’s additionally a time for telling scary tales.
Right here’s one that ought to scare the bejabbers out of you: Lee County, the place the place Hurricane Ian slammed ashore three weeks in the past, is affected by a record-breaking epidemic of Vibrio vulnificus, generally recognized (incorrectly) as “flesh-eating micro organism.”
“Lee County’s 29 circumstances and 4 deaths are essentially the most within the state in each classes,” the Fort Myers Information-Press reported this week. The statewide whole, which incorporates numbers from different counties smacked round by Ian: a startling 65.
Each time a hurricane hits Florida — they usually hit right here greater than another state — we longtime Floridians know that sure tales inevitably observe within the weeks afterward. I don’t imply the movies of fellows whooping and hollering whereas using their wakeboards or Jet Skis down the flooded streets. (Though sure, that occurs.)
I imply the tales concerning the sketchy clean-up contracts, the increase in disease-bearing mosquitoes due to all of the standing water and, in fact, the a number of tales about sewage spills.

However that is the primary time I’ve seen one of many follow-ups be “allegedly flesh-eating micro organism circumstances break file.” Seems it did occur earlier than, although. The earlier file was set in 2017, after Hurricane Irma.
In accordance with well being officers, the infections, which might destroy comfortable tissue (a situation referred to as necrotizing fasciitis — now there’s a Halloween time period for you), are related to these a number of sewage spills. These occurred everywhere in the state.
“Ian’s sewage geysers into neighborhoods, gushes into atmosphere,” reported the Orlando Sentinel. “Energy outages from Hurricane Ian trigger slew of wastewater spills throughout Polk,” famous The Ledger, in Lakeland. “Ian brought on 7.2M-gallon sewage spill into Indian River Lagoon, Brevard leaders say,” learn the headline on the WKMG-TV web site.
The stinkiest story I noticed got here from the Bradenton Herald: “Hurricane Ian forces Bradenton to launch 13 million gallons of sewage into Manatee River.”
Hey, who needs to go for a swim? Yeah, me neither.
All the tales went into some graphic element about what went into our waterways.
“At the least 330,000 gallons of wastewater — sufficient to fill greater than 13 common swimming swimming pools — had been spilled into Tampa waters over an 18-hour interval that ended on Sept. 29, based on Florida Division of Environmental Safety experiences filed by the Metropolis of Tampa Wastewater Division,” the Tampa Bay Instances famous final week.
Then the paper added: “In a single occasion, a pumping station … in Tampa misplaced energy for 18 hours in the course of the storm. Crews had been capable of hearth up a backup generator, however greater than 138,000 gallons of wastewater already had been dumped … into Hillsborough Bay.”
I actually would reasonably not image any swimming swimming pools stuffed with poop, a lot much less 13 of them. However that’s the place we’re at now — and never for the primary time, both, as a result of it doesn’t take a hurricane to “pressure” Florida cities to dump their sewage.
“Silent Spring” however for fish
After studying all these poop-in-the-pool tales — which in fact jogged my memory of the well-known Child Ruth scene in “Caddyshack” — I used to be stunned to study {that a} scientist I do know named Dave Tomasko had been out wading round in all that mess.
Tomasko’s personal home in Palmetto dodged any harm from Ian, he advised me. However he noticed that individuals within the southern Sarasota County group of North Port had been clobbered. Consequently, he and a neighbor ventured right down to move out meals, gasoline, and different emergency provides.
As quickly as they arrived, he observed the stench.

Tomasko realized he was standing in water that was not simply tainted by sewage and septic tank waste. There have been lifeless animals mendacity within the flood waters. Vehicles and vans had been leaking gasoline, oil, and battery acid. In the meantime, a row of 4 Port-a-Potties had been knocked over.
“And there have been a great deal of individuals splashing round on this,” mentioned Tomasko, government director of the Sarasota Bay Estuary Program.
Consequently, he began organising — as finest he may, given the circumstances — a water high quality monitoring community that stretches from Sarasota Bay right down to Bonita Springs. The aim: Learn how a lot Ian tousled all of the waterways which might be so vital to the area’s tourism, fishing, and different financial pursuits.
What they’ve discovered thus far is — properly, let’s simply say the post-hurricane provide package ought to comprise some clothespins to clip your nostrils shut. And also you undoubtedly mustn’t stroll round in any of these items.
“The water,” he advised me, “will not be good proper now.”
After I requested for examples, he mentioned, “The Peace River doesn’t hardly have any oxygen in it. We’ve misplaced all the game fish within the Peace River.”
Hey, there’s one other scary state of affairs on your Halloween. It’s just like the title story in Rachel Carson’s “Silent Spring,” however fish, not birds, are what’s lacking.
The size of time for these our bodies of water to start to bounce again runs from mere weeks to months on finish, Tomasko advised me. What, I requested him, makes the distinction?
“We discovered after Irma that wholesome methods are extra resilient,” he mentioned. “If the water physique is harassed earlier than the hurricane hits, then it has to take for much longer to get better. If you concentrate on it this fashion, the whole lot we do to enhance water high quality is hurricane preparation.”
But lots of Florida’s waterways are so harassed from the issues we dump into them regularly, I ponder if they are going to ever absolutely get better. Fairly scary thought, huh?
It takes a calamity
Though I usually write about what’s unsuitable with Florida, I actually do love this glittering and beautiful place. I really like our award-winning state parks, world-class seashores and, in fact, our hilarious police log objects, reminiscent of “Florida man run over by personal truck throughout highway rage incident.”
But we regularly are usually the Potemkin State, a spot the place issues are usually not fairly what they appear. The very best-known dwelling within the state is the unoccupied theme park attraction often known as Cinderella’s Fortress. The Southernmost Level in Key West will not be actually the southernmost level. And our supposedly hard-working legislators get extra lathered up about naming an official state dessert than fixing our reasonably priced housing or property insurance coverage disaster.
In occasions of catastrophe, although, the reality will get out.
Again within the Eighties and early ’90s, South Florida actual property gross sales folks advised consumers, “These homes are strong!” and “Our constructing code is as robust as they arrive!” and “Our builders by no means minimize corners!”
Then, in 1992, Hurricane Andrew roared via South Florida and destroyed the façade. Andrew confirmed that South Florida houses weren’t constructed properly, due to a weak constructing code and unethical builders.
That is what hurricanes do: Tear away the curtain and present you what’s been occurring behind the scenes.
I hope Hurricane Ian does that with our sewage methods. I hope it’s displaying everybody that the job our leaders are doing in coping with our poop is, uh, er, um — oh let’s be well mannered and name it “crappy,” lets?

These horrible sewage spills that smash our waterways and sicken our populace don’t simply occur when hurricanes hit, based on Todd Osborne, a wetland biochemist on the College of Florida who has written about hurricanes and air pollution.
“This is occurring 24-7-365,” he advised me. “It takes a calamity to get everybody’s consideration.”
Any heavy rainfall will make lots of Florida’s ceaselessly overwhelmed sewage methods again up and break down, he mentioned. Spills occur at sewer vegetation constructed 20 years in the past that haven’t seen a single improve, regardless of fast improvement including hundreds of extra customers. Pipes break as a result of they’re being compelled to hold a much bigger load that they had been designed to hold.

“Now we have failing sewers in every single place,” mentioned Henry Briceno, a professor who research water high quality at Florida Worldwide College’s Southeast Environmental Analysis Heart. Seashores closed for well being causes, spills, and fishkills “are the brand new norm.”
Thus we get headlines just like the July 2021 one which mentioned, “Overflows trigger 60,000 gallons of wastewater to enter Tampa Bay space waterways” and the one in October 2021 that mentioned, “Mary Esther sewage spill despatched 50,000 gallons of wastewater into Santa Rosa Sound” and the November 2021 one which mentioned, “Weekend’s heavy rains brought on sewer spills in elements of Daytona Seashore, Holly Hill.”
Time and again, our sewer methods break and the sewage spews into the waterways which might be such an enormous a part of our nature and business. They’re was cesspools that no vacationer would ever need to dip a toe into.
Osborne pointed me to an internet site created by the newspaper Florida At the moment that tracks all of the sewage spills reported in Florida. After I seemed, there have been so many dots displaying ongoing spills throughout the state that it seemed like notably virulent case of rooster pox. You’ll be able to see it for your self right here.
“The primary time I checked out it,” Osborne mentioned, “I used to be aghast.”
Fixing a damaged system
After I was in Boy Scouts, we discovered that duct tape may repair most something. Obtained a gap in your tent? Patch it with duct tape. Mountaineering boots falling aside? Wrap ’em in duct tape. Is your canoe filling with water? Cowl the leak with duct tape!
However I don’t suppose there’s sufficient duct tape on this planet to repair Florida’s damaged sewage methods.
I talked to Osborne, Briceno, and a number of other different consultants about how we may make these pungent horror tales occur far much less usually. I heard some good concepts:
- Set up backup energy methods that don’t want a human to crank them when the principle energy system goes out. That could possibly be both a daily energy supply that kicks on routinely or one powered by photo voltaic panels. You could scoff at that final one, however Babcock Ranch, a solar-powered metropolis in Charlotte County, by no means misplaced electrical energy throughout Ian.
- Line the pipes with a stronger, extra fashionable materials that’s much less more likely to break than the outdated pipe materials.
- Transfer the remedy vegetation away from ceaselessly flooded, low-lying areas and don’t let any new ones be constructed there. Briceno emphasised that one, declaring {that a} rising sea degree ought to put us all within the thoughts to retreat from the coast wherever doable.
- Don’t enable new improvement that provides to the present load that’s going to an already overburdened sewage system till the brand new system will be expanded.
- Remove new septic tanks solely and join the outdated ones to sewer strains pronto. Even once they do work, septic tanks’ aim is to maintain the sewage from backing up into the home, to not shield the atmosphere, famous Robert Knight of the Florida Springs Institute.
“They pollute manner out of proportion to the price,” Knight mentioned.
Of all of the concepts I heard, essentially the most intriguing one was to vary our requirements for what constitutes handled sewage.
Convey on the sweet bars!
One of many consultants I checked with was Estus Whitfield, who served as principal environmental adviser to 6 Florida governors after which turned a founding member of the Florida Conservation Coalition. As a substitute of instantly answering my questions on bettering the system, he advised me a narrative.

“My first job out of school was in Okaloosa County sanitation,” he mentioned. “The principle job included septic tank and remedy plant inspections.”
That’s the place he discovered one thing most individuals don’t know, he mentioned.
“Septic tanks and remedy vegetation had been designed for primary public well being, preserving us secure from illness and sewage backups in the home — not environmental safety,” he advised me. “That function stays immediately.”
Whitfield’s assertion struck me as odd, so I requested Osborne about it. He agreed with Whitfield. Our requirements for sewage remedy name for treating it to a degree that, if it had been a lake, a scientist would name it eutrophic. In different phrases, a spot devoid of aquatic life.
When Florida cities or counties spill a load of sewage, public officers attempt to make it sound higher by declaring that it was “partially handled.” But when the usual for handled sewage will not be good for the atmosphere, then partially handled sewage can be worse, wouldn’t it?
Clearly, we have to improve our remedy requirements to one thing extra protecting of fish and different water-dwellers.
If we would like our waterways to be wholesome sufficient to bounce again shortly from the subsequent Ian, we have to do all this and do it now. Classify it as “environmental upgrades” or “hurricane preparedness” or “battling flesh-eating micro organism” — it’s what now we have to do.
“Wait,” you might be saying, “you need to improve remedy requirements, enhance the capability of present remedy vegetation, relocate those in flood-prone areas, revamp the strains, add photo voltaic panels to the backup methods — received’t that value some huge cash?”
In fact. And that’s been the excuse for doing none of it. However do you actually need to danger being the subsequent sufferer of a micro organism that assaults your comfortable tissue and, possibly, kills you? It’s like volunteering to be the subsequent particular person to play with Chucky the doll.
I feel our builders, who’ve been making large bucks in our sizzling housing market by including extra houses and companies to the burden of our remedy vegetation for therefore lengthy, can be an excellent supply of funding for all of that. Certainly they’d need to keep away from the unhealthy publicity occurring now.
Talking of cash, I’ve a suggestion for the way we will get our perpetually foot-dragging legislators to associate with all these upgrades, one absolutely in line with the candy-intensive Halloween vibe proper now.
I suggest we inform them in the event that they don’t move laws to repair our sewer methods within the subsequent legislative session, then the one manner they’ll accumulate any marketing campaign contributions for the subsequent election cycle is by swimming throughout an average-size pool.
One which’s stuffed with Child Ruth bars.