By Ken Lass
So I used to be driving dwelling the opposite day listening to a sports activities discuss present on the radio. Two of the present hosts had been making enjoyable of the third host as a result of they imagine he nonetheless wears blue jean shorts, generally often called “jorts.” The third host vehemently denied ever having worn jorts since he was a child. The three of them went on and on, laughing and speaking about how one can spot a loser and/or a nerd as a result of they nonetheless put on jorts. I laughed together with them. They had been actually developing with some humorous stuff. Then I ended at a stoplight and glanced down at my lap.
Ken Lass, Tribune columnist
I used to be sporting jorts.
You wouldn’t assume it was doable to really feel embarrassed about one thing when you’re alone in your automotive, however I used to be. It was nearly like these guys on the radio might see me. Like abruptly, I used to be the man they had been making enjoyable of. Once I acquired dwelling, I bolted into my bed room and thrust open the closet door to alter garments. There, within the decrease left quadrant of my closet, was a row of 5 hangars, every containing a pair of shorts. Three of them had been jorts. It was then that I noticed the self-incriminating reality. I put on them nearly daily when the climate is sizzling. Have folks been snickering about me behind my again all these years?
I swear I by no means acquired the memo saying that jorts had been out of fashion. Shouldn’t which were larger information? Regardless, from that time on, at any time when I used to be out in public, I took discover of the shorts all the fellows had been sporting. I noticed beachcombers, khakis, cargos, souped-up athletic shorts, however no jorts. It was true. I was the man these radio fellows had been teasing.
It will get worse. Now my daughter tells me I ought to not be sporting my white fitness center socks with my jorts. You already know, those that come about midway as much as the knee. She says you must put on the “footies,” those you could hardly see excessive of the shoe. That is additionally alarming to me. I’m a “chilly” individual. I’m at all times chilly, at all times the primary one within the room to complain that it’s too chilly. Footies don’t maintain my ft and legs heat sufficient. So I’ve to sacrifice consolation for model? Is that this the type of factor girls should endure once they really feel they should put on these excessive heels as a substitute of a comfortable pair of sneakers?
Oh, after which, the opposite day, I learn the place observe and warm-up fits are outdated for males. So are hoodies. Simply nice. In case you had been to scan the higher proper quadrant of my garments closet, you’d see a considerable lineup of, yep, warm-up fits and hoodies. So there goes my chilly climate garb of selection as effectively.
Who’s it that decides when it’s not in model to put on sure issues? And the way is a man supposed to maintain up with all of the adjustments? Might they possibly ship me a textual content or an electronic mail? One factor I did discover is that finally, the style designers run out of latest concepts, and all that outdated stuff comes again into vogue! I’m so on prime of that! Good factor I proceed to carry on to my leisure swimsuit, my bell backside pants, my Nehru jacket, and my medallion. Certain, chortle at me now, however sometime………
You already know what? I’m too outdated to fret about whether or not I’m in model. I’ve determined I’m going for consolation all the way in which. I’m going to put on my jorts, my fitness center socks (possibly even with sandals!), my warm-up fits, and my hoodies, and I’ll put on them proudly. In case you see me on the road, don’t faux you don’t know me. And don’t faux you didn’t discover me.
As a result of, apparently, I will likely be simple to identify.
(Ken Lass is a retired Birmingham information and sports activities anchor and Trussville resident.)
